Order My Crappy E-Book

Make So Much Money Online Your Friends Will Leave You! Those Suckers!

This is me. If you buy my stupid eBook, you will look this rich and suave too. I totally didn't just rip this picture from Google Images.

Hello Friend,
Do you like money? If so, we're soulmates. But there are other people out there who also like money, and if you don't buy my stupid eBook, they're going to have it all and you won't! Wouldn't that suck?
Thank goodness you found my stupid eBook. I'm going to introduce you to an opportunity so lucrative I have to use ass-ugly fonts. This isn't one of those other eBooks by total posers who can't back their offers up. You can tell I'm serious because I use lots of exclamation points!!!!!!!!
I'm not going to tell you what's in my stupid eBook until you buy it, because then anybody could see, and my stupid eBook is only for special people like you. You're probably thinking,

"But wait! How do I know it's lucrative if you won't tell me what it is?"

This is what my stupid eBook would look like if any publisher were willing to go within a thousand miles of it. I don't know why a PDF needs a cover, but everybody else is doing it, so it must be right.

I applaud your skepticism, because it means that you're just the sort of bright cookie who can make it with my proven system. That's right, it's proven and it's a system. In case you need checkboxes to be convinced, my stupid eBook is:

• Proven
• A System

Warning!!! My stupid eBook is only for people who want to make lots of money without doing any hard work! You can tell that last sentence is important because it's yellow. If you don't like money, or you enjoy boring hard work, leave immediately!
You might be wondering why I'm trying to sell you my secret instead of using it myself to make money. It's that doubting attitude that has kept you from making millions so far! Besides, as you will see below, I already have too much money! I can prove it!!!